My dad and Alan worked for the council. One lunchtime I went to where they were working. When I got there my dad was on his own. Alan had phoned in sick. We decided to go round to his house to find out what was the matter. We got there had a brew and a chat with Alan then my dad had to get back to work. Alan said he would walk round to the job with us. He went to get his council duffle coat but couldn't find it. He swore it was on the couch when we came in. We searched all over the house including under the staircase. We ended up back in the living room. Alan was adamant his duffle coat was on the couch when we came in. He said never mind he'll do without it. Then my dad suddenly said, "Oh hang on a minute it's here!" He was wearing two council duffle coats!

 Kids Can Be Nice As Pie

My dad was asking me and Alan
"If you were hungry stuck in the desert with a small child and a pork pie who would get the pork pie?
I said I didn't know, Alan said nothing.
"You must eat the pie to give you the energy to carry the child to safety." said my wise old man.
I asked Alan what he would do?
"I would eat the pie," he said thoughtfully," and then I would eat the kid!